Forgivenss~a gateway to JOY?

·        What is forgiveness anyway?

 Forgiveness is a choice made by the offended party to give an altruistic gift of undeserved pardon to someone in response to a hurt or debt owed.

Forgiveness acknowledges that a wrong has been done.  The wrong is real and there is hurt, injury, injustice, and even sin in the action of the other. The hurt may have been unintentional, or by a plan.  The forgiver must fully face the depth of the injury, hurt, the debt owed.  The hurt can not be ‘glossed-over’ or not faced. In fact it must not be.   If it is stuffed or glossed over; faux forgiveness may result. The depth of the hurt must be examined before forgiveness can even be offered.

Faux forgiveness is about “moving on”.  But as we all know, if real forgiveness has not taken place, your tummy knows the truth. What is that knot you feel when that person comes into the room?  Faux forgiveness is just not good enough.   Faux forgiveness is about covering up hurt, its about your secret

heart and about just 'surviving' not thriving, its not abundant life.  Faux forgiveness is about appearences, and there is no joy there.

Last time, on this blog, these bullet points were listed.  Starting with this post, each one will be

examined.

·        I can’t forgive because I can’t let go.

·        Forgiveness will mess up my system.

·        I have had it hard.   This is my identity! 

·        I am scared of ‘heights’.  High expectations, that is.

I want to suggest that Real Forgiveness addresses all these concerns.

In this and following posts we will explore what’s going on here and why Biblical Forgiveness is very different and powerful.

·        I can’t forgive because I can’t let go.

Isn’t this exactly the problem?

Watching in one’s mind a continuous video loop of the moment of hurt, the scene of the injury or layered awareness of the levels of  injustice that have occurred in your life can become an all encompassing inner reality.  Replaying the scenario of a string of events that led to the discovery of the betrayal you experienced is understandable when the shock of this unpleasant reality is fresh.  However, it must have some borders around it or forgiveness, real forgiveness becomes impossible. 

It’s the truth, you say; "I am only trying to understand what happened to me, I am trying to take in the magnitude of what has occurred.  Once I finish with this, I will decide when I have had enough of this.  When I have done it enough, I will be able to ‘let it go’.  Until then, I have to hold on."   

Wrong.  This is “Ground Hog Day” (the movie) that does nothing to help the forgiveness process.

While, as was said above, we do have to acknowledge the level of hurt, it is dangerous for our hearts to stay there too long.  Staying too long begins the process of planning revenge. As I replay 'The injustice I suffered' I have to be very careful because it can feed my pride.  For example, thinking “I would NEVER have done such a thing!!  or "I will never do such a thing!!  Or my situation is totally unique, how could it have happened to Me of all people?" , sounds like the sting of the hurt is working on our human pride.  Revenge is the natural result of hurt and just like any sin, anticipating revenge can feel sweet.

Watch Out!!  Revenge leads to bitterness.  Bitterness is a huge pile of inner unforgiveness that not only will destroy you, but as the Bible says, it will damage others.  Make sure you do not go there.

Instead, begin to identify with the one who injured you.  Has there been any time where you did something similar?  Hold that memory in your hand and look at it while you see the ‘video loop’.  Notice your own heart, maybe you didn’t take your sin as far as the one who hurt you, but sin doesn’t become sin by a matter of degrees.  Sin IS sin.  Face your own heart, this is hard to do while you are hurting, but if you humble yourself in this way, you give the LORD a place to bless you.

If that video loop has been capturing your attention, stop.  Stop it now. 

There is no joy on that path.  Watching it will not change the past, it will not teach you how to avoid hurt next time. 

Stopping the tape is the first act that will lead you through the Gateway to Joy. Forgiveness takes the tape and says “I have watched it enough; there is no way out of that loop.  I want to; I NEED to be free of this burden!!    

At this moment you must take that ‘DVD’ out and hand it over to Jesus and ask Him to hold it for you.  Don’t hold it yourself.  Picture yourself handing it to HIM.

But how can I do that?

things to remember:

• Life is hard here on earth and we are vulnerable sensitive beings asked by GOD to live here for a purpose. His purpose.  He has plans for you, and he has ways of helping you process life on earth.  He is sovereign over you.  Each and every thing that happens to you has the potential to move you  along, toward the purpose He has for you.  You and your choices of heart attitude really are significant. 

That Godly purpose is sometimes worked out when the trials of hurt and injustice come to you even though this may not make sense to you.  This way of thinking does not come to us 'naturally'. So the first big choice you have is to decide to look at life here on earth the way HE, GOD, looks at it.  Something greater, with a higher goal and purpose is going on here that may be easily seen. 

 

Have you ever wanted to set up a 'begining human life on earth kit ' that would include a “You won’t be unfairly treated or hurt Certificate"  to be issued to each  newborn?  Sounds loving, doesn't it?  God has not set up  ‘things’ here on earth that way. But the Bible says God IS LOVE.  Hummmm.

• There is another script operating and it is God’s script that is behind what has occurred.  He gives us life, he allows our life to start in a place, and in circumstances over which we have no choice.  But after that, we have FREE WILL.  Once we realize this and choose HIS truth and HIS way to govern our life, we have a begining point for understanding the script that is behind what has happened to us.

• HE is the GOD who SEES.  His name is El Roi.  He is the Omnipresent God who is there with you in your pain, and HIS eyes are not shut.

Want to know more about this God? Look at Genesis 16.  His heart was right with that deseperate female.  Look at the hurt, pain or injustice that you have experienced with His help.  Look and don't stuff your feelings. Turn to Him and embrace HIM.  See Psalm 139:7-12.  His ways are beyond us as to why things happen.  Leave that with HIM.  Face the truth while you hold onto His hand and see His eyes on you. 

Psalm 9: 9&10 Amplified Bible

The Lord also will be a refuge and a high tower for the oppressed, a refuge and a stronghold in times of trouble (high cost, destitution and desperation). And they who know Your name [who have experience and acquaintance with Your mercy] will lean on and confidently put their trust in You, for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek (inquire of and for) You [on the authority of God's Word and the right of their necessity].

Just remember, all this takes place in a PROCESS.  God is so patient, He loves you and leads you.  He is so aware of your real hurt, your real needs.  Be patient with yourself, but please stay in or start the process.  Stuffing, or faux forgiveness leads to bitterness. 

God bless you.

Next time:   ·        Forgiveness will mess up my system.

Forgiveness -Invitation to Joy? Part ONE of a Two part post.

Forgiveness as an invitation to Joy!  A Two Part Post.

What?   You say; it’s a JOY to forgive? 

How can it be?  Forgiveness is hard!

What is forgiveness anyway?

Forgiveness is altruistic gift that is granted to someone who hasn’t done anything to deserve it.  Christians know that they are to be forgiving.  We Christians have heard the ‘Sermon on the Mount’.  Outwardly most Christians give assent to this value; we all give ‘lip service’ to it.  Unfortunately, there is lots of ‘false forgiveness’ that we kid ourselves into thinking that its good enough forgiveness.  We want ‘forgiveness’ on our own terms.

Today this post is about stuff I think that leads to either faux forgiveness or no forgiveness at all. When my brand of this faux forgiveness doesn’t set me free like I thought, I conclude: ‘See,  I forgave, but  it didn’t WORK.’  Ergo: the command from scriptures to forgive is just one more thing that is too hard and ineffective about Christianity.  Fine if it works for you, it doesn’t really WORK for me.

I really like calling things what they are.  If I don’t examine my own heart, I can fall into the trap of thinking I am good to go as a Christian, but actually I am not.  My life is confusing and torn; inside I have bitterness and no peace.  I fall into religious patterns like saying the right stuff.  But really I am trapped inside, because I want to be hanging on to my own favorite stuff.

So we are going to look at stuff here that are ways we think that sets up either  not forgiving OR false forgiveness.  Perhaps it’s just my black heart talking, but read it and check to see if you can relate to any of these.

I can’t forgive because I can’t let go.

I couldn’t let go of my sense of reality.  ‘My hurt’ constantly appeals to me like a little sad faced beggar child I have seen on a “Compassion International’ add.  She says, ‘you’re not going to forget me are you???’  If I forgive, maybe I will have to be disloyal to her inside, I wonder.  I then think: “After all is said and done, who do I have to depend upon BUT my SELF.  If I forgive, it’s going to feel like I have totally left SELF down; letting myself disappear”.  “No!”, my inner thoughts would say, “You have to keep rehearsing that scene, remind yourself how outrageous it was that That happened.  Vigilance to defend self is what is necessary; if I don’t defend self, then ‘Who’ Will? Certainly not my tormentor; certainly not my family or false friends; they haven’t helped me yet.  No, I must keep reality in the back of my mind.”  I know Jesus said I must forgive, I want to have His favor, but he can’t mean in this situation, can HE? 

Forgiveness will mess up my system.

This one happens to people who have been around religious systems, they know the lingo, they know the players.  Its like a ‘team roster card’ that plays out  in my mind.  Listing good guys and the ‘bad’ guys of the other team, and they have to stay in their assigned place.  I know who can be trusted and not trusted. If I have a doubt about someone, then they automatically go in the bad team list.  Proving untrustworthy was one way to get on my bad list, but sometimes I felt it was nothing I could explain.  This system works for me because life has showed me it’s a “Big Scary World’ out there in the real world.  I will be fine if I can figure out where everyone fits. Once I realized how wrong and hurt happen, I learned what to look for.  I think in ‘Types’, and I can spot those types a mile off.  My radar is pretty good, I have been right before.  What is necessary is that I watch or observe people from a distance.  I don’t really want to know if I am actually right in my assessment, because I most of all want to feel safe.  Threat could come from anywhere, better to be watchful, guarded.  When in doubt, don’t trust.  Types can’t change.  Types in the end just prove that maybe I can sort of trust Jesus, but certainly not everyone.

I have had it hard.   This is my identity! 

To forgive feels very disloyal to all I have suffered.  What do I DO with it all?  I have invested in setting up my parameters by which I conduct my life, on the inside of my heart.  Its way too risky to let those down, in fact I am now feeling safer than ever!  Yeah, sometimes I am lonely, but I don’t mind all that much.  I like my animals, I love nature, I love being different, a little bit.  Every once in a while, I feel the hurt, but  I am actually familiar with this place.  When people try to ask about this self imposed isolation, I just tell part of my story.  Once I do that, people don’t press me too much, and   I won’t be required to do too much because people ‘understand’ and are nice to me.  I am one of the walking wounded, but at least I am not totally alone.   My identity is not really strong, but this story feels safe to share.  I lead with it.  No one will know that I really don’t know who I would be without it.  

 I am scared of ‘heights’.  High expectations, that is.

 I feel in control and now no one can get too close.  I can be nice, I can be fun, and I won’t miss out on much.  Certainly what I do miss is just too close anyway.  I can do fine on my own.  So what if I never have anything closer in the way of a heart relationship than I have right now?  Lots of people have loved and it hasn’t worked out for them.  There are tons of broken families, bad relationships, abandonment, and so if I stay with my life this way, I am just better off.  What I have now is as good as it gets.   Men can’t ever be trusted.  Parents are not forever.  Fairy Tales have a prince charming, but real life doesn’t.  Maybe ‘things’ used to be that way, but life can’t be like that anymore.  Not sure exactly why it can’t be, maybe it would be boring anyway.  The way we live now, after all it’s a whole new century; no one really expects things like relationships to last.  Yeah, when they end, it sucks, but everyone has a story about that.  Actually it’s like getting a tattoo; its hurts, but then there is a story to tell.  If you have a job, some fun on the weekends, a place to go with some family at the holidays, well, that covers the bases and it works.  Oh Yeah! And I go to church, and that feels good.  I feel warm and loved.  I drink it in while I am there.  The feelings of that hold me for a while.  I can always go back and get more, if other stuff doesn’t work out well.  I will get by and it will work out.  No worries.

 

What about you

Do you have other reasons why you don’t forgive?  Do any of the ones listed seem familiar to your outlook on life?   Maybe you have never thought about the ‘Why’ to your unforgiveness.  Maybe there is no one in your life that you need to forgive.  Do you wonder if Unforgiveness is just normal; like ‘we can’t get along with everyone, can we?’   Unforgiveness might be the real reason that “self protection” is so common in our society today; it seems necessary and perfectly normal.  If most people think a certain way, its average, and average is normal.  What about you?  Do you live in self protection?  Is ‘normal’ good enough for your life and relationships?

I want to suggest that Real Forgiveness addresses all these concerns.

In this and following posts we will explore what’s going on here and why Biblical Forgiveness is very different and powerful.