When forgiveness is a ‘process’.~ ARE YOU in the PROCESS of Forgiving?

Matt 18:21

After growing up in a critical and fault finding family, at age 27 I learned of Jesus’ love.

I had so much to learn, even though I had attended church all my life!  Knowing about Jesus’ love is definitely very different than KNOWING Jesus’ Love!!

 One of the passages I always stumbled over was when Jesus took the young child into his circle and began to tell the close friends of Jesus something about the kingdom of heaven.  He told them simply, ‘unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven’

I sometimes look at photos of myself as a child.  There are a lot of them because I was a half of a pair of twins; a phenomena that elicited photos.  Do you remember yourself as a child?  I don’t, but seeing my face in those photos I can tell that at around 8 years of age, I was already not showing the real me to the camera.  This is why I wondered what that child standing in front of JESUS was really like.  What did Jesus want us to see here?

Help in understanding came to me once I could observe my own children at ages 4 or 5. Their faces were open, tender free and safe, all the time!  And no wonder because we didn’t criticize them, nor berate them; in fact we showered upon them the hugs and affection neither of us parents had experienced as children.  And we had lots of fun together.  Try as I might, I found myself sometimes snapping at them.  Thank God, the Holy Spirit would immediately convict me and I would quickly apologize to them and take the blame.  No matter how young they were at the time, I felt they deserved a quick humble response from me their baby Christian mom.  What happened next always astonished me.  Immediately, my son would turn his sweet face up to mine, usually hugging me at the same time and say, “Its ok, Mommy!  I forgive you!” 

The forgiveness of a child is complete, sweet and without revenge.  What a picture of the kingdom of God.  Love and closeness was immediately restored.  It touched my heart so deeply.  Would I ever be able to forgive like that?

You see, my children hadn’t learned how to protect themselves from hurt.  They had no reason to protect themselves because they had no reason to fear being truly hurt.  They knew trust because we were trustworthy as parents.  Their little hearts were open and loving, responding to nurture and care that was constant in their lives.  As a result they found forgiveness easy.

Don’t you wish that all children had this type of safe home situation?  But it’s not guaranteed to children by this world, is it?   If your own childhood was difficult,  know that was not approved of by God.  His eye is upon you, to help you even now.

If there has been long years of subtle hurt in your life, if your parent never could admit wrongdoing, or ask for forgiveness, then the injustice experienced  could become a stumbling block to easy forgiveness in your life. 

What do we do when this is our beginning point?  For many, the hurt goes deep and there are many layers of offences.  Feelings of betrayal and injustice may share space in one’s mind with feelings of love and loyalty.  Family relationships are complex so to sort  feelings to a path of forgiveness and freedom sometimes starts with a daunting sense of confusion. ‘What is real?’ Or we wonder, ‘Am I making this up, this sense of injury?’  How can I accuse the ones closest to me?  Shouldn’t I just stuff it down and forget my questions?   But if returning home causes a twist in the gut, or catch in the throat, safety might be lacking there, and usually your body is telling a truth.

How can forgiveness even begin?  If nothing has changed in that situation, there will be no apology, there will be no heart broken face on your tormentor to reward your act of forgiveness.  If this is the case, forgiveness is still possible.  In fact, finding it will bless you even more than it will bless your offender. 

Remember Peter was troubled by these things also because he asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him?  Up to seven times?”  Matt 18:21.  In Jesus’ famous answer that Peter should forgive seventy times seven or 490 times for the same sin, HE was saying, keep forgiving, Peter. 

Forgiveness is hard for us humans to do, in fact, alone without HIS help; I believe it is not possible.  Jesus is telling Peter, keep at it!  Find some way to start the process of forgiveness.  We are not ‘off the hook’ when a ‘brother’ keeps sinning and doesn’t appear to change at all.  We are not ‘off the hook’ when horrible injury has been experienced.  Jesus on the Cross is our example there, and later Stephen, the first Christian Martyr, said the same words Jesus did and forgave those who literally killed him.   How did they do that?  It was only because of divine help. 

Don’t be discouraged if you can’t even wrap your mind around that level of forgiveness today.  Instead, remember how much Jesus loved that little child he brought into His circle of friends.  Start by being that child.  Jesus’ attitude toward one who would hurt such a one was clear in Matt 18:6&7.  He said it would be better for him to be drowned in the sea than to experience what God’s judgment will be on them.   He says, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay”.  Know that God sees everything, he will make it right.  But in the mean time, begin by releasing one layer of the hurt to the LORD and choosing to forgive. 

I started out my process by realizing that I actually had been hurt.  Rather than believe all my pain was caused by my own actions, the LORD began to show me the broader picture.  While I acted in a childish and humanly selfish way, I was also experiencing life that was non-nurturing.  The safety a child needs was not  available in my family.  I adapted by using what few weapons my personality gave me as defenses against those threats.  The defenses ‘worked’ and protected me, somewhat.  But, before I could truly heal to become the person God wanted for me to be, I had to understand this environment, face its realities by seeing what was true there.  Little by little the layers pealed away and just like when a scab comes off, I found the fresh new tender me was formed underneath that ugly scab.

Tell us about your process.  Where are you in the process of forgiveness?  Your story is not only important, but will be encouraging to others who may need courage to start walking through their own process toward forgiveness!  God Bless you.